Choosing Calm: A guide for dementia caregivers overwhelmed by responsibility

As a caregiver for someone with dementia, overwhelm might feel like an inevitable part of your daily life. The constant demands, the emotional rollercoaster, and the sheer volume of tasks can leave you feeling like you’re drowning in responsibilities. But what if overwhelm doesn’t have to be your default state? What if you could choose calm instead?

This might sound like a radical idea, especially if you, like many caregivers, have become accustomed to feeling overwhelmed. But bear with me for a moment.

When I first heard about the concept of choosing overwhelm, I was skeptical. After all, overwhelm seemed to choose me more often than not. But then, during a coaching session, I began to understand that overwhelm is not just something that happens to us—it’s something we allow to happen.

Think about it. Emotions, including overwhelm, are transient. They come and go, and we have the power to decide how long we dwell on them. So why not exercise that power?

Instead of giving in to feeling too much, see it as a choice—one that you can say no to.

Here’s how:

1. Notice Your Feelings: When you start to feel too much, take a moment to notice it. Write down what’s bothering you, to get those spinning thoughts out of your head.
2. Decide How You Want to Feel: Once you know what makes you feel too much, think about how you’d like to feel. Peaceful? Confident? Sure of yourself? Whatever it is, say it and own it.
3. Do Something: Break the cycle of feeling too much by doing small, easy things. Pick three things you can do now to get closer to how you want to feel. It could be as simple as taking a deep breath, giving a task to someone else, or asking for help.
4. Check What You Can Control: Sometimes we feel too much because of things we can’t control. In those times, it’s important to remember that feeling too much won’t change what happens. Instead, focus on what you can control and let go of the rest.
5. Be Kind to Yourself: Remember, this is a process, not a quick fix. Be patient with yourself as you go through the good and bad of caregiving. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small, and be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

Picking peace over feeling too much is not always easy. It takes focus, practice, and a willingness to change old ways of thinking. But with time and persistence, you can train your brain to choose calm over stress.

So the next time you start to feel too much, remember—you can choose a different way. Use that power, and get your peace of mind back in the middle of caregiving chaos.